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Our non-profit blog was inspired by a Filipina domestic from the Middle East who left her newborn baby – with placenta still attached – at the Bahrain Gulf Air airplane toilet - upon landing in Manila, read her story here lhttp://filipina-nannies-caregivers.blogspot.ca/2013/05/this-blog-was-inspired-by-filipina.html. Her despair and desperation inspired this blog to gather all possible stories in order to help, to inform and to empower all Filipina nannies, caregivers and maids -- to liberate themselves from abuses of all forms: physical, rape, verbal, exploitation, overtime working without pay.... Send us your stories. Stay anonymous - if you like. (No one can afford to deny this matter anymore). Write in Tagalog, or your dialect, or English, or French, or any language. ALL nannies, caregivers and domestic maids are welcome, send your stories to mangococonutmay1@gmail.com

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Keeping Nanny happy

http://www.ask-nanny.com/happy-nannies.html

Nannies who feel overworked and unappreciated will usually look around for a new job. However, it is worth making an effort to keep your nanny because your child will be happier and more confident without a constant string of new nannies caring for her. Most nannies experience certain recurring problems, so here are a few tips for keeping her happy! I present the problem from the nanny's point of view and suggest a solution.

· PROBLEM - INTERFERING: The worst problem which nannies encounter is when parents interfere with or don't support the nanny's methods of discipline. In other words, when parents don't leave the nanny to make decisions about the way she reacts to misbehaviour as she sees it, or to deal with any problems. When parents interfere in this way a nanny feels distrusted and frustrated. She may have been dealing with everything very well and getting good results and then the parent comes in and damages her efforts by changing or removing the punishment. This not only causes a lot of anger and pent up frustration in the nanny who feels her hard work has been for nothing, but also creates a problem for the child, as they will become confused about whom to listen to and will start to play parent off against nanny. Very often this happens at meal times when the children would usually eat very well with the nanny, as they know that there will be no other food offered if they refuse their meal. This will be a time when parents can return home and tell their child that yes, they can have a pudding or a packet of crisps when they haven't eaten their dinner - without first consulting nanny to see what has been said about the situation.

· SOLUTION: Tell your child that while nanny is here she is the boss, she is in charge and if she has made a rule or a punishment before either parent returns home then it sticks! Always ask your nanny 'Are they allowed a treat? Have they been good?', but don't do it in such a way as to make nanny seem like the bad guy in front of the kids! Try and ask her discreetly otherwise she will feel pressured into changing her mind and this is not helpful to her relationship with the children. Say to your kids 'The Parent Guru, she's the boss'. This will make nanny feel very happy and valued.

Nannies are great at knowing what to do when a child misbehaves or when she won't eat her meal and so on, because she is impartial and neutral, and can discipline calmly and objectively. Remember she will often have a great deal of experience and training and that is why you hired her in the first place. Her methods are always fair, consistent and they work! Children (I'm afraid) will always behave better with their nanny than they do with their parents, even if they have a strong bond with her! They will listen and learn from her and behave calmly and well whilst in her care. You don't have to worry about them not having fun during the day as they rarely misbehave so have all their time to play! You must back nanny up and treat them the same way when she is not there, or their will be trouble with the children suddenly changing when you come home and you will not see them at their best. Tell your nanny that you value her opinion and learn from her. Her methods are usually spot on!

· PROBLEM - TRUST: Similar to interfering but more about a general lack of trust in your nanny will cause a huge rift between you and almost definitely cause her to leave. If you chose her and were obviously happy with your choice when you did so, then why are you now feeling mistrust? If you have some reason behind the mistrust then you must sort that out, and either carry on with your nanny/parent relationship after you have cleared the air, or if you cannot sort out the problem then this nanny is not right for you and you must part company! Although if there is an element of mistrust in a parents attitude towards their nanny, it is often just a case of deferred guilt about leaving their child and going out to work. Make sure that this is not the case with yourself as this occurs more often than you think. You have no reason to feel guilty about going out to work, as long as the time you do spend with your child is special and fun!

Children with nannies gain a lot from their experience and have an even better experience, if it is a smooth one. What I mean by this is that children will sense if you do not like or trust their nanny and in turn they will not feel at ease in her care and will use the fact against her, in that they will play her off against you. This will cause a lot of anguish for nanny and child. Also if you find that you do not trust any of your nannies and are always getting new ones, then this will cause a lot of distress for your child and she will feel unable to form any kind of relationship with anyone in case they too leave her. This will affect her whole life. Also a problem is when parents call the nanny a lot to check up - this says to nanny 'I don't trust you to watch my child all day without checking everything's OK' This is upsetting for nanny and she will resent the fact that you hired her but do not trust her.

· SOLUTION: Sit down and think about whether the dismissals or resignations were really necessary. Honestly and truthfully ask yourself if the situations could have been avoided and what, if anything, you could have done to help. Remember you may be feeling very guilty about leaving your child every day and leaving her with a stranger. But if you can build up a rapport with your nanny and become friends then you will both feel a lot happier and your guilt about leaving your precious child with her will subside. Her relationship with your child will blossom and they too will become friends. The whole situation will feel friendlier and happier, which is much more healthy for your child after all.

A nanny is not a servant and should not be treated in such a way. She should ideally feel like a member of the family, as she is the carer of you little cherubs and that is a VERY important job! If you chose the right nanny by checking references and asking a lot of questions in an interview then you needn't feel anything less than at ease. Show her you have every confidence in her and make her feel proud and appreciated. Don't call her up to check on her, be reasonable and treat her like a human being with feelings. If a nanny feels respected and that she is being treated as a professional then she is going to act like a professional and show you respect, flexibility and loyalty.

· PROBLEM - BAD PAY / NO KITTY MONEY: This is definitely one of the biggest reasons for a nanny to move on to a new job! Obviously by this I mean paying too little compared to the going rate and not giving regular pay reviews. Nanny will feel undervalued and definitely unappreciated. Remember that your nanny has a very important job and for quality you will have to pay I'm afraid! Also if your nanny constantly has to dip into her own pocket to buy bits and pieces of groceries, pay for trips out and petrol etc, until you manage to pay her back, she will feel annoyed and frustrated.

· SOLUTION: Pay the going rate according to your area. Ask other's who have nannies what they pay or ask your nanny agency what is expected. Also ask your new nanny what she was paid in her last job, although she may not have been happy with that, so do ask. When a nanny is paid well she is more likely to do over and above her duties as she feels that she is not taken for granted. Always pay your nannies full tax and national insurance! This is very important! Always have money in the pot and not just a few pounds/dollars but enough for transport (petrol/gas/bus fares etc) trips out, juice and snack and anything else that may come up.

Nanny will feel better if she knows that you trust her to spend the kitty money wisely and she will not have to be embarrassed to ask for what may seem like a lot of money, but when broken down into petrol/gas, groceries, snack and outings is perfectly reasonable. Remember too that you must pay for parking and any snack or lunch which nanny has during working hours when she is caring for your child.

· PROBLEM - HOURS OVERRUN / HOURS TOO LONG: If you have laid down certain working hours for nanny in your contract then changing them whenever it suits you is not reasonable. She took the job with a certain description and expected to work the hours given so it is not acceptable to change them without first consulting her and asking if she can do the extra hours with extra pay of course. Also remember that your nanny has probably been on duty since the early morning probably half an hour to an hour before you started work and will stay probably half an hour to an hour after you have finished your work. So she has had a very long day and will be exhausted and ready for home/her bedroom. Very long hours are reason enough to leave a job unless there is a good reason not to.

· SOLUTION: Whenever you know that you will be late, tell your nanny as far in advance as possible and ask if it is ok, don't assume. She will have her own life outside work remember and assuming that your life is somehow more important than hers will cause a lot of resentment. Give her some extra pay as compensation and thank her for her flexibility. She will remember your kindness and will be more willing to help in the future. Whenever possible, try and let your nanny leave early so that her hours are kept down and she feels that you understand that her days can be long. Letting her away early on occasion is one of the biggest perks you could give her. Don't always expect her to finish the dinner, bath or homework etc. If you take over it will be rewarding for you, nanny and your child!

· PROBLEM - TOO MUCH HOUSEWORK / ERRANDS TO RUN: A very big problem, a lot of employers will pile on the work and assume that they have a housekeeper on tap when they hire a nanny. This is absolutely not true and you can only ask a nanny to do nursery duties, unless she has a period of the day when she has no children, but even then only ask her to do a reasonable amount of chores, and remember her time scale for fitting it all in with pick ups etc. Nursery duties are washing and ironing and cooking for your child, and tidying up the bedroom and playroom. The whole advantage for you of having a nanny is not to get your housework done; it is to have one-to-one care and attention for your child. Therefore it is reasonable to assume that the best way for your child to get care and attention from nanny is to give her less work to do so that she will have more time to play and take your child on outings! Many a nanny has been unable to come out on a trip because she has been left a huge pile of ironing on a Monday morning. I am very lucky that I am not asked to do such duties in my job and that is one of the reasons I am still in the post 5 years on.

· SOLUTION: Have guidelines in her contract for what you would like her to do each week but be flexible and reasonable. Try and do some of the ironing yourself and please don't leave one or two items for nanny when you have finished ironing your own clothes. This is so petty and infuriates nannies. Try and prepare a meal once a week which can be reheated the next day as this will show nanny that you will help her and do not expect her to do everything. It is also a nice way to feel like you have contributed to your child's day! Don't worry if there are a few toys out in the playroom at the end of the day as nanny may have been busy and not got back in time to cook the dinner and tidy up. If your child is at school or nursery and you want your nanny to do more than nursery duties, sit down with her and draw up a contract that suits you both! Ask her what she is willing to do and what she thinks is reasonable. If it's the weekly shop for instance, then don't expect her to also collect your dry-cleaning and water the garden for instance. Usually two or three extra chores a week is about right, and then add to that if nanny is happy to do so. Don't begrudge her having a lunch hour or one day when she does less about the house! A nanny will often leave a job when she no longer has the children during the day because she does not want to be a cleaner/taxi service and she feels that she is no longer a proper nanny with little ones to care for. So if you can give her the perk of some free time then she will be more likely to stay on.

· PROBLEM - COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN: This comes back to having a rapport with your nanny and being able to speak to her easily. Many times I and other nannies I know have felt unable to speak about problems with their bosses and have just left the job without ever telling them the problem. They feel unable to voice their concerns for fear of being either sacked or causing a rift. They do not feel for whatever reason that what they have to say will either be acted upon or changed and instead will cause resentment so instead they just move on. Nannies feel nervous to tell their bosses when something is wrong because they feel that it will not be taken well or not taken the right way.

· SOLUTION: Always have open and honest discussions with your nanny and ask her regularly how she is getting on and how she is enjoying the job. Not just in passing but sit down with her once a month and really talk, remembering to allow for this within nannies working day, don't keep her late or she will not be pleased. Tell her not to be afraid to tell you if she doesn't feel that she is being treated fairly, because you know that a happy nanny is a good nanny! Always begin and end on a positive note and be tactful when voicing your concerns to her. Her feelings will always be hurt if you have something negative to say, as she may not have even known that she was doing it. She may not show her upset in front of you but she will probably go home and let it all out to a friend or family member. If you can be tactful and kind, and remember to end on something you are pleased about then you can avoid the upset. Never get angry and shout at nanny, as she will no doubt leave if she is treated in such a way!

· PROBLEM - LIVE-IN NANNY'S FREE TIME IS NOT HER OWN: When you have a live-in nanny, she will be living under the same roof as you but she will need and want her privacy. Being woken on a Saturday by the children is not her idea of fun! She will want her rest and relaxation, and will feel refreshed for another week come Monday morning. But if she is constantly being disturbed by the children wanting her to tell them a story or play with Barbie, she will feel used and frustrated that her time is not her own. Just because she is in your home doesn't mean that you can call on her anytime, as she has a life of her own.

· SOLUTION: Tell your children not to disturb nanny at the weekends and mean it! Don't let them sneak off and bother her in her bedroom, while you're not looking. Also whenever she has to come in to the kitchen and use the facilities tell the children that nanny is off duty now and to leave her alone for some peace and quiet. She will hear you saying this and feel appreciated once again!

· PROBLEM - NOT ENOUGH ANNUAL PAID LEAVE: A nanny who gets less than 4 weeks annual paid holidays/vacation will definitely feel used and abused! On the other hand a nanny with plenty of holidays/vacations will feel refreshed and able to do her job properly.

· SOLUTION: Give your nanny as much time off as you can, as this is again a great perk for any nanny. If you can try and let her be off whenever you are then she will not feel that you are 'trying to get your money's worth out of her' and instead are willing to look after the children yourself when you are off work. If she is still working while you are leisurely sitting around the house on holiday/vacation and relaxing then she will resent that.

· PROBLEM - MESSY HOUSE: Coming in on a Monday morning or any other morning for that matter, to find ironing piled high, the sink filled with dishes, and toys left here there and everywhere is so annoying and frustrating for a nanny. She has to tidy up the weekend mess or whatever mess before she can start her day. It is not her duty or responsibility to do your dishes or tidy up after you. She will feel used and unappreciated if you constantly leave mess.

· SOLUTION: Get the children to tidy up after themselves at the weekend, and properly too. Don't let them just chuck everything in the same box and ruin nannies organised system if she has one. This will show her that you appreciate the time she spent to sort out all the toys and keep them tidy and unbroken! If you must leave dishes tell her to leave them and don't leave her a full dishwasher to empty every morning! Remember though she may need the dirty dishes and then will have to clean them so it is best if you just do them before she arrives. If one of her duties is to do the children's washing and ironing then it is only her duty during her working week and if she is in the habit of having everything done for you on a Friday then it is fair for you to do the same for her for a Monday morning and wash and iron whatever is used on a weekend, don't you think?

· PROBLEM - NO PERKS: If a job has no perks whatsoever then you must have something else to offer such as a kind and decent approach and a reasonable attitude when it comes to chores. Otherwise nanny will move on to another job with something more to offer her.

· SOLUTION: I have mentioned that time off, getting to go home early, and being allowed free time are great perks, but so too are good pay, a nice living area/bedroom for a live-in nanny, no housework/nursery duties, plenty kitty money to go on outings, and, of course, a car to take home is probably the best one. If you can satisfy some of these then you should be able to keep nanny happy. Good luck and remember just being her friend is important too!

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What you need to know about your Filipino helper

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

http://www.theglobalus.com/2012/02/what-you-need-to-know-about-your.html

Filipino nannies are generally reticent to speak about themselves. It is easy to understand why, we share the most private part or our lives with them but we don't know much about the Philippines or its people.

7,000 islands between the South China Sea and the Pacific, hundreds of cultural groups and many regional dialects. This is the short scientific definition.
The social one is that Philippines is the first labor exporter with 1 out of 10 people working overseas. 250,000 Filipinas in Hong Kong; 150,000 in Singapore; 100,000 in Taiwan; close to half a million in Europe and many more in the USA, Canada, Japan...

Everywhere in the world, people are crossing borders to provide a better future for their families with a ticket for a better life. Globalization of labor migration made this a worldwide phenomenon.

For Filipinos the promise lands are in every continent from the Middle East, to Asia, through Europe, Africa, and Oceania. More than 8 million (10%) out of the 85 million Filipinos were working or living abroad, 72% being female workers.

It has become the main industry sustaining the country's economy.

Although these women are often holders of a tertiary university degree, they work as domestic helpers, nurses, caregivers, and entertainers.

Maybe you thought this post would be about what they might do behind your back or what you should be watching out for, but I bet you have already read more than your fair share of dark stories about nannies.

Most of the time they are wonderful people who we can trust and with whom we spend many days, months or years with. They are great with our kids and we would not know what to do without them helping us preserving the fragile balance of work, family, couple and personal time.

Let's take this chance to know more about our secret fairies.

1. She did not decide to go for it out of the blue, migration is a national phenomenon deep rooted in Philippines culture

Much of the country's attention and policies have built a "culture of migration" with millions of Filipinos eager to work abroad, despite the risks they will have to face. Interest in leaving the country is not limited to adults but also includes children. The government facilitates migration, regulates the operations of recruitment agencies, and looks out for the rights of its migrant workers.

Many public and private agencies have the sole purpose of helping employers find employees and run business in this industry.

There are even successful movies about transnational families who get separated because of overseas labor.

The phenomenon is building through generations. Almost 50% of overseas workers' children hope to migrate as well when they will be able to.

2. She is most likely a wonderful helper by nature

As a matter of fact, the Philippines have more trained nurses, teachers, dentists and engineers than it can employ. Even women with other higher education degree show an innate sense of responsibility and ability to take care of children, husband and the rest of their clan. In other words Filipinas are almost always caring, good with children, and excellent in the service industry. Culturally they were raised to take care of others and it has an obvious impact on their behaviors and inner skill set.

The journalist Francine Pelletier also touched upon this subject with a geo-sociological explanation : "I think they're very different from other Asian people I know. First, they were conquered by the Spaniards and ruled by them for a long time. That made them Catholic and sort of European -- not so shy. Then they were colonized by the Americans, so they know English. North American ways aren't so strange to them. They adjust more quickly than some people from the developing world."

The Philippines is in fact the third largest English-speaking country in the world which facilitates employment in many western countries.

3. She probably did not have many other options

Either for the government or for its people, overseas labor is a not an option but often a matter of survival.

The remittances workers send home have become a pillar of the country's economy. With no sustained economic development, political instability, a growing population and high unemployment levels, the No. 1 export of the Philippines is human labour. Billions of dollars a year of remittence from workers living abroad to their families back home are the country's largest source of foreign currency.

Salaries are not sufficient for families to live off of (a few dollars a day for agricultural workers, and a few thousand dollars a year for professionals). When the situation of the Filipina abroad improves, she sends more money home. Her family will use these resources to pay for their child education or invest in future by starting an entrepreneur project for example.

However studies have shown that the money received by the family is usually just enough or do not even meet the needs of the family left behind. A nationwide study showed that sadly there is not much improvement in the lives of the families back home.

4. She has been or will be exposed to abuse

As most Fillipinas work in the entertainment, domestic work or service industries, they enjoy little protection. Very often it is hard to notice or report an abuse because of the "private environment" in which they work in. Because of their working conditions, no privacy, isolation ,long working hours, surveillance and control by employers, nannies can be subject to abusive conditions, including violence and sexual harassment.

That said, employment abuse in Japan or Canada may be rare when compared to human rights violations against nannies in other countries. Filipinos are more educated, more likely to speak English, and better organized which reduces risk of abuse compared to other migrants.

There's no excuse for employers who make nannies work late, wake up for the baby crying at night, then prepare breakfast for the family. Fortunately most of the time employers are required to use a model contract devised by the government under labor law standards.

Yet, if there is any problem with their host family, they will be the one kept under record and not the employers.

5. She is most likely leaving her children behind

With millions of Filipino migrants leaving their country temporarily or permanently, ineluctably children are left behind.

These women should not have to choose between motherhood and financial sustainability but because they do not have a choice, they often combine both as much as they can while using technology to keep daily contact with their children.

About 27% of the total youth (9 million) children are estimated to be left without their mothers while the latter are working overseas to sustain the family.

Women assume men's traditional roles but men do not necessarily jump into care giving duties which leaves children with a possible lack of necessary attention. The other option is the use of another nanny back home to take care of Filipinas children while they nurture strangers' kids for a salary.

Because of the national migration phenomenon, transnational family has become a norm in the Philippines.

It is important to note that luckily, most research studies reveal that attitudes, behaviors, and values of children of migrants are not negatively impacted.

A 2003 study found that “children of migrants were generally fine and faring better than the children of non migrants”. Surprisingly, “children of migrants are less anxious and less lonely compared with the children of non migrants”.

Migration has been accepted as part of the culture and do not result in a negative social chain reaction.

6. She has ambivalent feelings when talking about the migration issue

It is not easy to be known as a nation of nannies, imagine thinking about your folks cleaning homes, hotels and nurturing children of others all over the planet. These people are homesick and might feel miserable but it is a fact, they know their country needs this as a pillar of its economy.

This is a very emotional issue because it sits at the heart of the Philippines family and society.

This phenomenon results in many social aspects hard to accept. Especially a whole generation of children growing up without their mothers, and heart-aching mothers longing for their children.

This issue implies collective guilt and resentment, no children would be left alone if Philippines government was able to create enough jobs and wealth within its borders.

7. She might be enjoying some (tiny) benefits

Overseas work bring financial rewards to hard working women sustaining their family. It also sometimes gives them freedom from unhappy marriage or demanding family who expect them to be dutiful wives, mothers or daughters.

Living abroad is also an adventure and offers a chance to gain confidence and self-esteem.

This situation triggers a shift in gender roles as fathers are left behind taking care of children and women can enjoy some independence and autonomy while being the main breadwinner of the family.

8. She lives global parenting on a daily basis

Sadly, Filipinas are left with no choice but to miss the precious years of their children. Nothing can bring as much emotional bonding as physical presence can, but our beloved nannies are great at high-tech ways of communication and they spend time daily by skyping, emailing, texting and calling their family.

They have mastered the transnational family settings and found many ways to keep closeness with their children back home.